Statistical Proof None Of Arie’s Contestants Are Here For The Right Reasons


    ABC is attempting truly tough to obtain us to provide a fuck about the next season of, and its frantically long viewership project started this weekend with the cast statement and will continue with an unique airing on Monday night. While I didn’ t checked out the complete bios yet since who has time for that shit as well as IDGAF, there is a great deal of insight to be collected entirely from the candidates’ fundamental details and mall-style glamour shots.

    So I’ m going to take out my one data class in grad school abilities to dissect Arie’ s ladies and address a few of these burning concerns: Does Arie like brunettes or blondes? Did ABC provide variety a genuine shot? Exists such thing as too young? And are any of these ladies here for the best factors? (Spoiler alert: certainly not).


    Arie Definitely Has A Thing For Blondes

    We most likely might have thought this because he was the runner up on real-life-Disney-princess Emily Maynard’ s season 5 years earlier (legit still can ’ t think they couldn’ t discover ANYONE more appropriate). ABC’ s casting this season has actually made his (or their) hair color choice painfully apparent: 13 of the Bachelorettes are blonde af white ladies who look like some variation of Olivia Caridi or Lauren Bushnell from Ben Higgins’ season. And to nobody’ s surprise, there isn ’ t one fucking redhead in sight.


    A Diverse Cast Of Laurens

    The franchise lastly cast its very first African American lead last season, however in spite of Rachel being the most kickass lead ever, the program’ s rankings were less than wonderful. While I will continue to blame ABC for being racist, when 80% of the franchise’ s audience is white , it ’ s most likely simply America ’ s fault. It’ s no surprise that 72% of the candidates this season are white, and 3 of them are called Lauren (there’ s a 4th Lauren, too, since why not– she’ s simply not white ). It ’ s safe to presume that half of the variety will be cut by episode 2 and we’ll have ourselves a white Christmas season with strong rankings.


    Mind The Age Gap

    Arie is 36 years of ages, the exact same age Nick Viall was throughout his season. If we found out anything from that season and subsequent break up (besides that Nick is uninteresting) it’ s that a cast of much more youthful ladies isn’ t the very best method to construct an effective relationship (however it IS the very best method to develop a future Bachelorette). Did ABC discover its lesson? Nope. The typical age of Arie’ s ladies females is 27, just 2 are within 5 years of his 36, and one is so embarrassingly young that ABC didn’ t even inform us her age (Reality Steve deduced that she is 22, so she’ s been consuming lawfully for a year– that’ ll be enjoyable to enjoy).


    What Is “The Right Reason” Anyway?

    The meaning of “ right factors ” on has actually altered throughout the years from “ get wed and have children ” to “ get engaged and relocate to LA to introduce a couples brand name”. All of us understand it ’ s seldom about discovering real love and generally about discovering amusing characters for future spin-off programs. How do Arie’ s women stack up to the brand-new standard? 4 of them currently operate in marketing, and 8 currently reside in California. Nobody appears to have a location-specific profession, a minimum of among them is besties with a previous candidate , and I can imagine actually all them in Diff Eyewear sunglasses.


    So if I were the wagering kind (which I am, who wishes to begin a bracket?), I would put my cash on Arie proposing to a twentysomething blonde called Lauren who will “ go anywhere and give up any task ” for love.

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